Saturday, May 14, 2011: A Tale of Cocks and Stalking

Chapter 2 starts with a page of details on Anastasia – her birthdate, banking information, SAT score among other things. It’s intrusive and gross. Then the narrative starts and the ‘intrusive and gross’ factor gets upped considerably. Christian is compulsively reading the executive summary of Ana’s background check while sitting in his car outside her place of employment.

Christian can’t stop thinking about Ana. He has waited a whole week to see if the thoughts go away on their own, but since they didn’t, Christian is going to act on them. He wonders if Ana will make a good submissive, and if she even knows what that means. Probably not. He isn’t attracted to her smarts.

Tellingly, Christian admits that he hasn’t spoken to Flynn (his therapist) about the thoughts or the stalking because he knows how bad this looks, and is. He admits that he is, “behaving like a stalker.” Dude, acting like a stalker makes you a stalker. I mean, unless there is some extremely unlikely rom-com scenario in play that requires Christian to show up everywhere Ana just happens to be, but which is totally unrelated to Ana, then Christian is just straight-up stalking her.

Stalker

And that’s what’s happening here.

Once he works up the courage to go into the store, Christian decides it would be fun to mess with Ana’s head, having her direct him to sexually themed hardware like zip ties, duct tape, and rope. Ana gets all flustered because apparently no one but the sexiest of sex perverts ever comes to a hardware store for these items. These normal, everyday hardware store items.

Christian admires Ana’s ‘qualifications’ as she shows him around (i.e. her tits and ass – his words). His cock apparently enjoys the view as much as he does.

Which is something I’d like to mention here. Remember how Ana had her Subconscious and her Inner Goddess? Well, Christian treats his cock the same way. It’s his alternate personality. So far is hasn’t done any somersaults, shaken any pom poms, or frowned at Christian over its little penis glasses, but hey there’s plenty of time for that. I’m secretly hoping that his other personality turns out to be his scrotum. I’m going to name it Scrotes McGoats. Maybe it can be the cranky one.

Scrotes

Or the goofy one.

Where were we? Oh yeah.

Having finished with his flimsy pretext for being at Clayton’s Hardware in the first place, Christian makes flimsy small talk to see if he can find a flimsy pretext for seeing Ana again. Luckily, Ana mentions that Kate would like some pictures of Christian to go along with the article she’s writing for the Daily MacGuffin.

Christian happily hands over his bweez-ness card and tells Ana to call him before 10 am tomorrow. Interestingly, (to me anyway) is that Christian tells himself that if Ana doesn’t call by then he will forget about her. Forever. You know, somehow I think she is going to call. Just call it a hunch.

Then Paul, the boss’s brother, shows up and gives Ana a hug. Ana introduces Paul and explains who he is, strongly implying that they aren’t a couple.

Oh my God. Christian is a terrible terrible person. Inside his head Christian calls Paul a prick, a gorilla, an asshole, a prick again, tells him to fuck off and, wants Paul to get his “fucking paws” off Ana. All in the space of a single page. Remember, at this point, we are talking about a girl he has met once for an interview. He’s stalking her at her workplace and mentally trash talking her random male acquaintance.

NO

Paul and Christian shake hands, and I guess it’s some kind of mind meld because suddenly Paul knows exactly who he is talking to – THE Christian Grey, Super Genius…I mean, billionaire. Paul scurries off leaving Ana and Christian to make more awkward small talk.

Christian finally leaves and it takes every ounce of willpower he has not to look back to see Ana one more time. Instead he sits in his car and watches out the rear view mirror to see if she is watching him. She isn’t. It makes him sad.

sad

Well, he has some time to kill before next chapter, so he decides to go for a hike. That’s…that’s a surprisingly wholesome activity for a ludicrously wealthy pervert such as himself. But whatever. Who am I to judge?

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4 thoughts on “Saturday, May 14, 2011: A Tale of Cocks and Stalking

  1. Omg, I laughed so hard at the thought of his penis peering over his little glasses at him.

    I’m reading Grey because it’s so awful and I’m a completionist.

    Your blog makes Grey worth reading because you sum up my thoughts much better than I ever could.

  2. LOL! I’ve read every entry on this blog so far and I fanboy over all of them. You’re hilarious. I agree with all of your thoughts on these books and the author. I wasn’t able to adequately describe what I thought of them until I started showing people this blog. Thanks for being you and keep on swimmin’.

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